Hey all,
Now I've been trying to live a positive life full of acceptance and positive thinking. Thats easier said than done. After living my life with so much hate and so much painful negative thinking surrounding me that sometimes that seeps in on my good mood. Today is one of those days. The image above I took over the summer and it reflects how I feel at the moment. The beauty is still there but with decay surrounding it either because its meant to be or because of actions taken to create that way. Now my life isn't meant to be full of hurt and pain it just isnt. I say its not so its not! So what can I do to change this? Well I went to someone and talked my feelings away. That helped a lot. It also helped me figure out where the pain comes from and in some aspect deal with this. But then again its not working today. Now I was talking to my nan today about something silly and this negative force came over me because of one thing. I let it happen. Not on purpose but because I thought out this person who in my mind is my negative force. Through out my life their being in my life was the negative force that caused me problems, pain, heart break. So why am I thinking about this person why now and why today? It could be the fact that around this time of year I think about how happy we may of been in the past or what they could be doing at this moment of time. Or it could be the fact I saw someone in town today talk to their daughter like this person talked to me. Brought back bad memories. I am not in a dark place anymore to be honest I haven't been for months now. But that doesn't mean I am not human, I miss people, I love people who hurt me, I wear my heart on show so people can see. I care too much for people and for most of the time its my super power but its also my downfall. Does this mean I have to live as a robot? always hiding my feelings from people, living inside a giant bubble that protects me? No. Instead I welcome pain, I welcome people to try and hurt me. Not because I like it but because that is part of who I am. I deal with shit, I deal with negatives and try with all my might make it positive. I have lived this way my whole life. People treated me differently because I was the outcast. The one who is always down, or hurt by the world. See me smiling now because I see through people. Not all the time but I am good at seeing what people want, may be its the drama people eat up or they just love causing problems for people I dont really care. Because at the end of the day I will be standing there wearing a smiling face. People have tried to take me apart, tried to nit pick hurt me, tear me down and kick me until I bled. Tried to turn my friends against me. Yet here I stand. Fighting for what I want. I wont stop and thats just makes me ME! Haha anyway hope you enjoyed my rant. See ya next time :) MissDoomie x Comments are closed.
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