Merry meet everyone, So its been a long time since I last posted a blog post and thats because of a couple of key events that has happened in the last year and half. So firstly at the beginning of 2021 we went into our second/third lock down and my mental health by this point had been effected so much that I couldn't focus on anything. My depression really kicked my butt and it took me awhile to bounce back because of this. This comes to April when everything started to go back to normal but still having a writers block so I didn't want to come back and not give my 100% which is what I love doing when doing theses posts. In June 2021 I found out I was finally pregnant. Which really boosted my mental health because as you all know I have been trying to get pregnant for many years now and when I found out I thought everything would change for the better. That was not the case. At my 12 week scan I was told that I had lost my pregnancy. Now that really effected my mental health and really put me in a bottomless pit for awhile. I just couldn't understand why mother earth would bless me with a baby and then take it away because I could meet it or even see my little baby. I wasn't really there when I was working and when I came home I just went to bed. It was hard on my partner too but I just couldn't kick myself out of it. At the end of august 2021 I started to feel myself again and even though I did have good days and bad days through out the month the end of the month was when I was getting back to me being focused. Now we planned to do our home up and focus on the positive because I kept saying in my head at least now I know I can get pregnant. I started to put plans in place and focus on other things instead of what would of been which was the hardest thing to get past. If you have been through something similar then you know where my head was at. When September came many of the plans to do the flat up had been planned and booked which I was looking forward to do, as I love a good deco upgrade. On my birthday which was the 8th I felt really ill. I had gone out that morning to have my hair done as a treat to make me feel more normal and more me. I just didn't feel right all day like something was off. So I decided to put my mind at ease and take a pregnancy test. Now the result I got was a blessing a huge blessing but also really scared me. I found out I was pregnant again. Now going through what I went through for my first I was so scared I would lose my second chance. That this baby would be taken away from me too. This time around though my morning sickness was really bad. So I kept saying well if I'm having theses really bad then everything should be going the way it should. But it was when I went to my 12 week scan that I was really scared. I thought the lady was going to break my heart again and I just couldn't relax at all. Then the scan was done and I saw my baby growing all nice and strong. I broke down in tears right there in the room. The lady understood what has happened before and gave me some tissues and let me and my partner have 5 minutes alone in the room. I just couldn't believe my baby was actually growing inside me. I had convinced myself that this time wouldn't work either and that I couldn't hope until then. Now this time I had the chance to announce it to the world. Me and my partner put it on our social media for our close friends and family to see and we were over the moon. I did all the tests to make sure I was growing a healthy baby, and this time I got to actually relax. That being said I had really bad sickness to the point I couldn't keep food or water down. Luckily for me it started to settle before they had to put me on medication and slowly into my second term I got to feel more like myself. Well as normal as you can be growing a little baby inside you. Because by this time it was around christmas I didn't see the point starting my blog back up because I just didn't have the time to come up with posts ect. I was then told that I would be put on medical suspension at work because I couldn't stay away from the public (as my type of work deals with the public) and that I would be told to leave work before my maternity leave but I would still be paid for those weeks off. I then had to work out my holidays before that also so there was a lot of back and forth between myself and HR at work that only got sorted 5 days before I was officially leaving work. So that brings us to march 2022, when I am writing this post explaining why I suddenly disappeared and why my blog posts still haven't gotten back to normal. Now I will be warning you this year the blogs will probably still be hit and miss because I have so much house prep to do until my little lady shows up in may and then getting into a new normal with a little baby to work with may take me awhile. I will also be changing my focus slightly on my blog also because I want it to become more of a lifestyle blog because my faith is so much into my lifestyle, its in my everyday that I think this could work. This would also give me a place to rant and rave about the new things of being a mum and also little tips and tricks I have found worked for me. I have become really inspired as of late and my nursery for my daughter to come home to has so much love put into it, and much more still to come but its very witchy too. I can't wait to be able to teach her about being a pagan and all the good that comes with it. I am looking forward to trying different subscription boxes because I haven't had a witchy ones for months but theres also baby ones too so that could be fun to try out. I am also hoping to talk more about my shop once I get that back up and running and my inspiration for each item. So theres so many ideas that I have for the future of this blog I just need to get round to putting it in place. I can see that my blog probably wont be back to fully normal until next year but even if I can do one post a week which I want to aim for would make me happy. I will warn you though, it could be baby related :') I would like to thank everyone that has followed me and kept in touch through instagram because you guys are the reason I love doing this blog and one of the reasons why I want to try so hard to bring it back to what it was. Thank you all for being there for me while I was dealing with stuff and thank you for your continue support. I will see you all either on instagram @paganvibesonly or on our facebook page under the same name. I will also see you all in the next blog post hopefully in the next couple of weeks. Blessed be <3 PaganVibesOnly x
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